Love?

So I said I was going to talk about Love in my next post. I almost did another post before this one because I just wanted to write down all the people that have blessed my life. Then I decided that they were more things that should be put in my actual journal. This post almost went into my journal as well but then I decided to change the people's names and change how I was going to talk about it so now I am writing it. :) This also went out later than I wanted to get it out but oh well. I had some extra time on my hands so I took advantage of it!

Love, is an interesting emotion. It is also a broad emotion but this post is about different kinds of love that come with wanting to date/marry someone. I might be younger but there are some things in my short dating life that I have learned that I think are valuable. These are just things that I think personally apply to me but could apply to other people as well so I thought I would share.
Technically if you count grade school "boyfriends" and ones from middle school, and high school I have had five. Guys from middles school/high school two. Guys I have liked all through that time, there are too many to count. Guys that I have kissed 4. Dates/ Time spent with guys too many hours to count. Guyfriends for all that time eleven. So I have more experience than some and less than a lots of people out there. But, I have learned what I want in a guy, the kind of love that lasts, the answer to if there is a soul mate out there, and who the best person to fall in love with is. I might answer those and more questions. Anyways, I will just write the thoughts that are bouncing around in my brain. I will borrow things from books, from peoples real experiences, from my own ect.

So something that I have learned is that you should write a list of your ideal guy. Not just looks but personality, things you would like to have in someone you would like to marry/ date. Someone that you could see more of a long term thing with. Something you should know about me is that I take guys, dating, kissing all of that seriously and I try to put thought into things before I rush into things with people especially what could be a longer term relationship. I usually don't just have a fling, bounce around or really truly mess around and I wouldn't really want one because I feel it would demean any future relationship I might have with someone. I also don't want anything I do affection wise like kissing to be something that I just do so much it isn't special or doesn't count when it does happen. Just some food for thought. Anyways back to the topic. Make sure that you date around a little bit to see what personalities mesh with yours well, and to be able to add to the list. Make sure that there are things that are a MUST and you can't live without. Then things that are changeable. When you decide to be official with someone make sure that they have the MUST's on the list and at least a few of the changeable things. For example here are a few things that are MUST's on my list and some changeable things.

MUST's                                                                                                                                                      

-Will take me to the temple to get married                     

-Someone that I can talk to/ Best Friend                        

-Love of music                                                            
-Good with/wants kids                                               

 Changeable
 -can have any combo of hair/eyes
 -can be my age or a few years older
-Good singer
 -likes similar music

I know everyone's list will be different but those are a few things on MY list just so that you get the idea. So these are the things I want in a guy. Do YOU know what you want in a person who is dating material?

The next two topics kind of mesh. They are what I have found to be the kind of love that lasts and what I think is the answer to if people have a soul mate. Love is not something that just happens to us. Yes, we can be attracted to the person looks wise and after we get to know them a little bit like them even more. That initial spark I feel is due to attraction and like. Not exactly love. Love is something that begins to grow as you notice the little things that you admire, like or makes them who they are. It is knowing the good and the bad and still deciding to be just as close. It is also something you show. In a song by John Mayer I thought he explained it perfectly.

 Love is a verb
It ain't a thing
It's not something you own
It's not something you scream

When you show me love
I don't need your words
Yeah love ain't a thing
Love is a verb
Love ain't a thing
Love is a verb

Love ain't a crutch
It ain't an excuse
No you can't get through love
On just a pile of IOUS

Love ain't a drug
Despite what you've heard
Yeah love ain't a thing
Love is a verb
Love ain't a thing
Love is a verb

So you gotta show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
That love is a verb

People don't fall out of love they choose to let themselves recognize the bad and make it more important than   the good. They look for that initial passion and romance that is in books in movies but the truth is that is not the kind of love that stays. Although those things are nice and for some people still need to be involved the kind of love that lasts, the forever kind is the kind that is unselfish, patient, kind. True love is when you put someone else's needs above your own and the kind that doesn't completely need things of a sexual nature to keep it together. The kind that the scriptures describe. There is also another quote that I want to share that has to do with the real kind of love. It's from a book so I slightly contradict myself but I thought it made a valid point and it was a quote that made me start to think about all of this. Its from a book called Sophie and Carter by Chelsea Fine. Although it is not the best writing I have ever read I think the author was trying to tell people about the kind of love that lasts.

"Love. Not the kind you see in the movies or hear about on the radio. The real kind. The kind that gets beaten down and bloody yet perseveres. The kind that hopes even when hope seems foolish. The kind that forgives. The kind that believes in healing. The kind that can sit in silences and feel renewed. The real kind of love. It's rare and we have it."

                          -- Carter Jax "Sophie and Carter"

For some people the words might be slightly different but the message is still there. Also how this ties to soul mates. I have never been able to fully explain how I feel about this topic but I read a woman's blog post about this exact thing and I think she put how I feel into a great way of describing it. She was telling her readers about how she knew that the guy she was going to marry was the one. I was going to take out the religious aspects but I decided to keep them because it is part of who I am. Also even if you are not super religious I feel that to some extent choosing someone to marry is an intuitive or a feeling type of choice. She shortened the guy's name so as not to give out his identity.

D came over to my apartment to study while I read my scriptures, and I prayed to feel love for him if this was the right thing to do. So subtly, I found myself thinking of all the times this week he’s done something wonderful for me - walked with me to school so he could carry my heavy backpack, showed up at my doorstep with a gallon of milk, massaged my feet, let me cry. And watching him stooped over his textbook, all I wanted to do was give him a back massage so his shoulders wouldn't hurt.

I guess that’s what love really boils down to, isn't it?

…I realized that love is a choice. I don’t have to marry young. But it’s either that or I marry someone other than D. I’m sure there are dozens of men out there that would make me happy, too. But it wouldn't be the same relationship dynamics, it wouldn't be D. And I want to marry D. I choose him, and I have a life of choosing to love him over and over again. It’s entirely in my control.

He proposed the next day.

So. My opinion on “the one”? Doesn't exist. There are lots of partners that would make you equally happy in many different ways. But you choose who to be love for the rest of your life. Once the Lord has okay’d your relationship, it’s not your only option, but you’re free to make the decision. “Choose your love, and love your choice.” And if you ask me, that’s so much more romantic. 

My opinion on “love at first sight”? Doesn't exist. I didn't love D the day I met him. The Spirit told me that a marriage between us would be possible and wonderful, if we chose to pursue it. We did the falling in love on our own. We worked for it. We embraced it. And it was perfect that way.

My opinion on “true love”? This is my favorite of all. True love is something you make. It’s something you choose. It’s something you dedicate yourself to and refuse to give up on. It’s not something that happens to you. It’s something that you make happen. 

You make it happen on that day you admit it to yourself, on that day you whisper it to your sweetheart for the first time, when you declare it before the Lord in the temple, and every day for the rest of your life. You fight for it. You stand by it. You pray for it.

This is how I feel about love and everything that comes with it and I love how she put it. Also I this can connect with who I think the right kind of person to marry is. She touches on it a little bit but I will explain my thoughts in greater detail. Again this is a personal opinion and you don't have to agree or stake your life on it but it is what I genuinely think. So first off like I said they should have the must's on The List. Also they do not have to be your life long best friend or even a year long best friend but I think the person that you fall in love with should be your best friend. Not in the sense of they are in the friend zone and you should always fall in love with a person because they are your best friend, but that the person you love romantically, if not already your best friend, should become that person. It took me a long time to figure this out and it has definitely made a difference once I have realized this. I can honestly say that even though I have thought that I was in love in the past I really have only loved two guys and they are completely different from each other but similar in other ways as well. Also just a note but being best friends does not mean no romance. I do love little romantic things too just because I am friends with the person does not mean I don't want flowers or a nice date every once in a while ;).

I can say that when I love, I love someone with all my heart and would do anything for their happiness as long as it is in my power to do so. This also means when my heart is broken it hurts a lot. Everyone is different when it comes to love and people and if everyone was the same life would be boring right? Even if it was just how we felt about love and everything that comes with it. I know that I still have more to learn about love and I know that in a way love changes in a marriage and I will have that adventure when it comes. I know that I will always try to learn  new things and be free to express your thoughts in my comments but please be kind. I did not post to be criticized just to express my thoughts. If you have a different point of view I will not mind it just don't attack me. Anyways, until next time. I hope you liked this post whoever reads it and like I said feel free to comment and tell me! PLEASE :) it would make me happy!